I was blessed to be able to sit near the sea over the weekend, practicing self-care and conscious connection in a very deep way which I will share more about soon.

While taking some photos I was breathing in the tranquil peace of the moment, feeling very blessed to be standing right where I was and wanting to share a part of that feeling. So I made this for you as a way to bring you there too.

As we enter into the often stress-inducing craziness of the holiday season, may you find a moment in your busy days ahead to practice a bit of self-care, just sit quietly and breathe.

* I am still getting used to having a video camera on my phone so didn’t think to shoot this horizontally. I guess that means I need to visit again soon to make another video.

Until then, I would suggest hitting the four arrows on the lower right corner of the video to enlarge for greater impact. And don’t forget to have your volume up. Enjoy. 

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Wild Geese ~ Mary Oliver

I had the pleasure of witnessing Mary Oliver read these very words to a group of us hungry-eared listeners last Saturday evening. As she read one of her most well-known poems aloud it was almost as if I were hearing it for the very first time, her words staying with me on my drive from the tranquil softness of the Santa Barbara shoreline back to the siren-filled sounds of Los Angeles. And her words are with me still.

The next day as I glanced at the vision board I keep next to my latptop, there she was, Mary Oliver, mixed in with roughly cut magazine images of trees, words, inspiration and dreadlocks, all held together by gel medium and bits of turquoise paint.*

I remember my thoughts as I pasted Mary Oliver’s photo onto the board that February day along with the words “A great poem can move you, shake you, and remind you what it means to be human.” I remember my thoughts because they were simply that of allowing myself space to be moved and shaken, I liked how that sounded.  I remember my thoughts because they were a reminder to read more poetry as a way to smooth out the roughness of the messages of the world. I remember my thoughts because they were that of being conscious of the words I choose to feed my soul, while also inviting those in whose passion in life is to create beauty in this world through their words, ideas and actions. I remember my thoughts as I pasted Mary Oliver’s photo onto the board that February day because I thought to myself how amazing would it be to one day be in her presence?

And there I found myself last Saturday night. Sipping velvet wine and eating gorgeous cheese near the beckoning sea at sunset with someone whose grace and humbleness moves me, whose passion for truth and connection inspires me and together we listened to Mary Oliver’s voice read the words of her heart and allowed ourselves to be moved, shaken and reminded what it means to be human.

Thank you, Mary Oliver.

*Sidenote: I confess, I am one who is skeptical when it comes to the idea of vision boards. I wholeheartedly believe in the power of writing goals and dreams down and I do fill journals with photos and images, but something about the words vision board seem a bit to woo woo for me I suppose. Which is funny to me considering how woo woo I actually am.

Earlier this year Isabella and I cut out a bunch of magazine photos for an afternoon craft project and lo and behold I turned mine into a vision board which is now displayed in my workspace. Perhaps I am not the skeptic I think I am.

When I launched this site earlier this week I put an announcement up on my personal Facebook wall. Everyone who commented had some really lovely things to say which was much appreciated. Then towards the bottom of the thread one of my friends commented that she wished she had one ounce of the courage I had.

I immediately replied that she already had all the courage she needed, we all did. I have no more courage than anyone, and certainly not more than this lovely soul who wrote those words on my wall. But still, I couldn’t get her words out of my mind for some reason. I am sure she didn’t even mean anything by it, but it got me thinking just the same. Certainly courage isn’t something we are either born with or aren’t. No one is rationing out glittery bags of courage where some get more than others and if you run out, that’s it.

Courage is a practice – like yoga, or law, or the ukulele. Like anything the more we practice at it, the better we get at it and the easier it becomes. For myself, I don’t think launching a website is a courageous act – I’ve been practicing vulnerability for a while now through blogging, though for someone who has never put themselves out there publicly, of course it feels scary. For me, it seems far more courageous to do something like, I don’t know, jump out of an airplane, but for the instructor who has done it a thousand times I imagine it’s a day at the playground for them.

I don’t believe that some people have more courage than others, but what I do believe is that some people practice courage more than others. There are all kinds of things we choose to practice. I was someone who practiced fear for years, and I was quite good at it. My former practice was that of self-sabotage and staying stuck and frozen, because it was a safe place for me. At one time I wore fear as a full armor of protection so I wouldn’t get hurt or rejected or goddess forbid, be wildly happy by just being me. It’s always easier to find the reasons to not do something and seek safety in our comfort zone, yes?

So ask yourself, what you are practicing? Do you feel like others have more courage than you do? If so, I will let you in on a secret. Which is this… there is no secret. All they are doing is practicing courage more than they are practicing fear. They know that the more we practice confronting fear and not allowing it to stand in the way of our dreams, the smaller and quieter fear becomes.

So, how do you start practicing courage? I’m not a life coach, or a therapist or an expert on anything, but what I would suggest is:

1) Trust in the knowledge that you are capable of accomplishing whatever it is you want, even if you feel frozen with fear. You are wondrous and alive and worthy and enough. Take off the armor of false protection that fear gives, it’s heavy carrying that weight on your gorgeous body.

2) Set a goal, and make it happen. It doesn’t have to be a lofty goal, in fact it’s best if it’s not if you are one who has been practicing fear for a while, though do have it be something that scares you a little – walking to the mailbox doesn’t count. Unless there is a growling demon with sharp teeth living in your mailbox. Then it counts.

Perhaps you can send an email to someone you admire, or dress up in those sexy heels you love and take yourself out to a restaurant…. alone.  Sign up for that class that you keep looking at but are resistant to take the plunge. Share your art. Make that phone call you need to make. Answer that question that whispers in your ear. Truly listen… without talking. The point is to take action on something that is holding you back. Do this a few times consistently and ask yourself how it feels. Does it feel good? What were the results? Does it get any easier each time you practice? Even a teensy tiny bit?

3) Courage is not about being fearless, it’s about action in the presence of fear. So write down your fears, which in itself is a courageous action. If there is something you really want but are feeling stuck on the path to getting it, see if you can dig deep to identify the source of the fear. Is there a story you created or an excuse you are hanging on to based on that fear that is holding you back? Find ways to move through it and release the power it has over you.  Here is one powerful way to release your fears.

Courage already lives inside you, all you need to do is keep up your practice.

Simply put, I’m not a web designer. More simply put, I currently don’t have the budget to pay a web designer to pretty this space up for me while in the midst of selling our Austin home and manifesting another (though I do graciously thank Timi of Cinnamon Girl designs for this template, Thérèse Cator for some WordPress guidance and a whole lot of Google}. So until that day arrives when I can budget for a designer, I decided to treat my online home in the same way I would if I were moving into a new home that I was also designing myself – which I also hope to be doing very soon.

My mantra for this space is not about offering that which is perfect, but offering that which is true.

For now, the walls are white while I collect paint chips and inspiration. I am inviting room for breathing space to figure out the technical aspects of decorating online spaces. I will slowly unpack what I have to offer and allow it all to come together organically over time. I like surrounding myself with beautiful, meaningful and real things (I honor my messy bits) so my hope is that will eventually manifest itself here in a way that represents my being.

Welcome to my new online home, Create Conscious Connection. To find out more about me and this site, please visit my about page.

Welcome. Thank you for being here.